1. Gwyneth, are the Coldplay residuals not coming in like they used to? You deserve SO much better than "Ironman".
2. Rex, what is your deal with Angie?
3. Sigourney Weaver, does it physically hurt you to recite dialogue this bad?
4. Are they seriously going to show the same thing over and over with only minute differences in POV?
5. When did Dennis Quaid start taking all of Harrison Ford's roles?
6. What exactly does Dennis do to maintain those abs?
7. Wait - is Dennis actually the poor man's Harrison Ford?
8. Was this originally slated to debut on the Lifetime network?
9. Or as a stand-alone episode of "Days of our Lives"?
10. Do they really use doubles for the president? This could explain so much of the past eight years.
11. Love him, but what is with Forest Whitaker's left eye?
12. Why, Foxy, why? I know it must be frustrating to work on a show with no discernible forward-moving plot line, but you can do better things than this with your summers off.
13. Did they just do a close-up of a menacingly squinting Dennis?
14. With dramatic music swelling in the background?
15. Was that line of Spanish dialogue that just came out of Matthew Fox's mouth dubbed by a jovial Telemundo news anchor?
16. Did I just burst out laughing in the middle of this very serious movie? Yes, yes I did...
17. Did I just hear the majority of the theatre burst out in laughter as well? So it isn't just me...
18. What are the odds that the two bad guys would get killed in that crash, yet the president would survive?
19. Will I enjoy this movie more in five years when it is played in continuous rotation every third weekend on TNT and I have nothing better to watch while I clean house?
20. Seriously, wouldn't it have been marginally better with Harrison Ford?
* If you haven't, don't.
14 years ago
